1. Cleveland Cavaliers – Winning two out of three buzzer beaters is better than losing two out of three – but they usually don’t let teams stay within buzzer beater range. I’m sure once they’re back home it’ll all get back to normal.
2. Los Angeles Lakers – So, when time inevitably catches up with Kobe, when he’s 48 or so and can’t quite will his body to ignore everything but the ball – do you think anybody will tell him? I figure I’m staying the hell out of the blast radius the first time a coach asks him to come off the bench. All I’m sayin’ is, Gil’s guns weren’t loaded.
3. Denver Nuggets – A healthy Billups appears to be roughly as important to his team as a healthy Garnett. Great, another team that you won’t have an accurate picture of until April.
4. Atlanta Hawks – I would have to assume that once they moved past Orlando in the standings, the idea that the East’s Big Three has become the Big Four has pretty much become accepted wisdom.
5. Boston Celtics – There should be more to say about a team this high in the standings, with this many potentially annoying personalities, with such potential for wreaking havoc in the post-season. There should be.
6. San Antonio Spurs – Pop has pretty much conceded that the regular season ain’t all that important, with Duncan getting dismissed from back to backs. It’s probably easier to do when the backup can reel off a 20/20 game, but still.
7. Dallas Mavericks – Dirk. That is all.
8. Orlando Magic – If yer gonna go in a funk, ya might as well have started out 17-4 to make it kinda palatable. Oh, and because it’s apparently obligatory for me to point his out, Vince Carter is appearing to be the weak link again. I don’t even know if he is, but that just seems to be his lot in life.
9. Portland Trail Blazers – I’d like to see them sign Jordan to a 10-day. They need the bodies, might be kinda fun.
10. Phoenix Suns – I have this hunch the All-Star break will be good for this team. Not like they’re gonna explode after that, but at least get back to holding their own.
11. Oklahoma City Thunder – It just doesn’t even matter, this is just all gravy. They’ve matched last season’s entire win total already so far, and they might make the playoffs. Keep learning.
12. Utah Jazz – Sundiata. Sun-dee-AH-tah. I just like saying Sundiata. As in, ‘sun day, I oughta get a shot at the NBA,’ you know.
13. Memphis Grizzlies – I can’t get used to these guys being here. And it doesn’t seem to be a fluke, either. Who knows where the pieces end up next year, but what the heck, enjoy it while it lasts.
14. Toronto Raptors – Last week, the Raptors played three games, and had 20+ point leads in all of them. Granted, they only won two of them, but if your game is offence, that’s a sign you’re playing your game.
15. New Orleans Hornets – I dig that they’ve made strides, and in Paul I trust, but they’ve still got to ask at least three teams to go in a funk before they can be in the playoff conversation. It may be a long trip.
16. Charlotte Bobcats – I think I’ve figured it out – this team is like the mirror-Raptors. Always sound defensively, finally figured out how to not be putrid offensively, and it starts to pay dividends.
17. Houston Rockets – It really makes me sad to see the Rockets all the way down here. I have no idea if they’ll be able to bounce back up the standings, but their second half should be easier than their first. I hope it works.
18. Miami Heat – They just keep on keepin’ on. It’s impressive, or it would be if it wasn’t maddening.
19. Chicago Bulls – Again, how did the Bulls get all the way back up here? Oh right, previously unexploited natural athletic talent. Nice to have that to fall back on.
20. New York Knicks – The whole, “sign-a-short-contract-and-hope-your-play-warrants-a-raise” gambit (you know, intentional or not) seems to be working out okay for David Lee, huh? Nate, maybe less so, but maybe the dunk contest ups his Q-rating a bit.
21. Los Angeles Clippers – If your team was comprised of consummate professionals, you could probably do the smart business thing and trade your biggest expiring contract for some good assets, regardless of the fact that Griffin’s not coming back this year. For this team, though, it’s a tough call – you do not want to go through two solid months of sulk.
22. Milwaukee Bucks – Jerry Stackhouse, huh? All right, we can give that a shot.
23. Indiana Pacers – I get the feeling everybody south of here is gonna make the right noises about playing hard, but really, they’d probably be happy to just let this season fade into the sunset.
24. Philadelphia 76ers – Seriously, it’s hard to tell me your starting centre has basketball uppermost in his mind right now.
25. Sacramento Kings – Well, maybe these guys you could convince that better things are coming.
26. Detroit Pistons – This team, on the other hand, I get the feeling they’re in for a long couple of years. A long, expensive, not very win heavy couple of years.
27. Washington Wizards – I can’t imagine what’s next on the docket for this team. Everything’s in play – win the lottery, void a contract, trade the whole damn bunch. Crazy.
28. Golden State Warriors – Monta Ellis has 9 complete games. I didn’t even know that was a basketball stat.
29. Minnesota Timberwolves – These guys are so bad, they can’t even be bad enough to be the worst. (It’s metaphysical, think about it for a sec and it’ll come to you.)
30. New Jersey Nets – I gotta say, this is becoming one of my favourite teams to blurb about. It’s just a given that they’re awful, and I’m only expected to pay as much attention to basketball as the team itself does, i.e., not a whole heck of a lot. Like, currently, I’m wearing a new pair of jeans I got for Christmas. They fit okay, but I have a hunch they don’t flatter my ass they way they should. And it’s a fairly decent ass, too. I blame Old Navy.
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