Seriously?

Well, this is odd.

I understand that there have been something like 300 million of these cubes sold worldwide, so there's gotta be some sort of overlap with basketball game attending population -- but, really? Are these things so much more likely to garner casual fan attendance than the crazy bobbleheads do?

Huh.

Well, yeah, actually. I own two of the bobbleheads myself (a Bosh and a Calderon, if you must know), and I'm never sure where to put the damn things. If I can buy a $12.50 ticket and get a $29.95 retail value cube as well as the basketball game out of it, I may be sorely tempted.

I am, after all, incredibly geeky.

Just wouldn't have thought I was the target audience.

NBA Power Rankings, January 19 2010

I’ve gotten approximately 1 hour of sleep in the last 30, and I’m gonna try to bang this out while listening to the Cleveland-Toronto game. The Cavs have just played 3 down to the wire games, but at home, really, they should crush the Raptors. I’m kinda torn between getting a win and getting some sleep. Ah well.

1. Cleveland Cavaliers – Winning two out of three buzzer beaters is better than losing two out of three – but they usually don’t let teams stay within buzzer beater range. I’m sure once they’re back home it’ll all get back to normal.

2. Los Angeles Lakers – So, when time inevitably catches up with Kobe, when he’s 48 or so and can’t quite will his body to ignore everything but the ball – do you think anybody will tell him? I figure I’m staying the hell out of the blast radius the first time a coach asks him to come off the bench. All I’m sayin’ is, Gil’s guns weren’t loaded.

3. Denver Nuggets – A healthy Billups appears to be roughly as important to his team as a healthy Garnett. Great, another team that you won’t have an accurate picture of until April.

4. Atlanta Hawks – I would have to assume that once they moved past Orlando in the standings, the idea that the East’s Big Three has become the Big Four has pretty much become accepted wisdom.

5. Boston Celtics – There should be more to say about a team this high in the standings, with this many potentially annoying personalities, with such potential for wreaking havoc in the post-season. There should be.

6. San Antonio Spurs – Pop has pretty much conceded that the regular season ain’t all that important, with Duncan getting dismissed from back to backs. It’s probably easier to do when the backup can reel off a 20/20 game, but still.

7. Dallas Mavericks – Dirk. That is all.

8. Orlando Magic – If yer gonna go in a funk, ya might as well have started out 17-4 to make it kinda palatable. Oh, and because it’s apparently obligatory for me to point his out, Vince Carter is appearing to be the weak link again. I don’t even know if he is, but that just seems to be his lot in life.

9. Portland Trail Blazers – I’d like to see them sign Jordan to a 10-day. They need the bodies, might be kinda fun.

10. Phoenix Suns – I have this hunch the All-Star break will be good for this team. Not like they’re gonna explode after that, but at least get back to holding their own.

11. Oklahoma City Thunder – It just doesn’t even matter, this is just all gravy. They’ve matched last season’s entire win total already so far, and they might make the playoffs. Keep learning.

12. Utah Jazz – Sundiata. Sun-dee-AH-tah. I just like saying Sundiata. As in, ‘sun day, I oughta get a shot at the NBA,’ you know.

13. Memphis Grizzlies – I can’t get used to these guys being here. And it doesn’t seem to be a fluke, either. Who knows where the pieces end up next year, but what the heck, enjoy it while it lasts.

14. Toronto Raptors – Last week, the Raptors played three games, and had 20+ point leads in all of them. Granted, they only won two of them, but if your game is offence, that’s a sign you’re playing your game.

15. New Orleans Hornets – I dig that they’ve made strides, and in Paul I trust, but they’ve still got to ask at least three teams to go in a funk before they can be in the playoff conversation. It may be a long trip.

16. Charlotte Bobcats – I think I’ve figured it out – this team is like the mirror-Raptors. Always sound defensively, finally figured out how to not be putrid offensively, and it starts to pay dividends.

17. Houston Rockets – It really makes me sad to see the Rockets all the way down here. I have no idea if they’ll be able to bounce back up the standings, but their second half should be easier than their first. I hope it works.

18. Miami Heat – They just keep on keepin’ on. It’s impressive, or it would be if it wasn’t maddening.

19. Chicago Bulls – Again, how did the Bulls get all the way back up here? Oh right, previously unexploited natural athletic talent. Nice to have that to fall back on.

20. New York Knicks – The whole, “sign-a-short-contract-and-hope-your-play-warrants-a-raise” gambit (you know, intentional or not) seems to be working out okay for David Lee, huh? Nate, maybe less so, but maybe the dunk contest ups his Q-rating a bit.

21. Los Angeles Clippers – If your team was comprised of consummate professionals, you could probably do the smart business thing and trade your biggest expiring contract for some good assets, regardless of the fact that Griffin’s not coming back this year. For this team, though, it’s a tough call – you do not want to go through two solid months of sulk.

22. Milwaukee Bucks – Jerry Stackhouse, huh? All right, we can give that a shot.

23. Indiana Pacers – I get the feeling everybody south of here is gonna make the right noises about playing hard, but really, they’d probably be happy to just let this season fade into the sunset.

24. Philadelphia 76ers – Seriously, it’s hard to tell me your starting centre has basketball uppermost in his mind right now.

25. Sacramento Kings – Well, maybe these guys you could convince that better things are coming.

26. Detroit Pistons – This team, on the other hand, I get the feeling they’re in for a long couple of years. A long, expensive, not very win heavy couple of years.

27. Washington Wizards – I can’t imagine what’s next on the docket for this team. Everything’s in play – win the lottery, void a contract, trade the whole damn bunch. Crazy.

28. Golden State Warriors – Monta Ellis has 9 complete games. I didn’t even know that was a basketball stat.

29. Minnesota Timberwolves – These guys are so bad, they can’t even be bad enough to be the worst. (It’s metaphysical, think about it for a sec and it’ll come to you.)

30. New Jersey Nets – I gotta say, this is becoming one of my favourite teams to blurb about. It’s just a given that they’re awful, and I’m only expected to pay as much attention to basketball as the team itself does, i.e., not a whole heck of a lot. Like, currently, I’m wearing a new pair of jeans I got for Christmas. They fit okay, but I have a hunch they don’t flatter my ass they way they should. And it’s a fairly decent ass, too. I blame Old Navy.

It's the future already

Okay, I'm just a little freaked out by this -- on a whim, I punched "Braggin', kinda" into Google, and roughly fourteen minutes after I published the original post, there it is, the number one hit. I'm now a little embarrased to ever again sit in front of the computer in my underwear. They know just a little too much.

Braggin', kinda

Reason #462 to stay friendly with your exes:

So when they find cool stuff of yours that got hidden away in a box when everybody did the uncomfortable move-out thing years ago, they actually seek you out to give it back to you, rather than ditch it.

Life ain't so bad.

NBA Power Rankings, January 14 2010

Yeah, these were originally meant for Tuesday, but some unexpected away-from-the-computerness, followed by some unexpected my-internet-isn't-workingness, has kinda delayed the whole shebang. Better late than never, I guess.

Also, I've realized that these things are kinda visually boring as a wall of text, so I'll try to throw some pictures in there when I can. I'm a words guy, though, so it may not make all that much sense. Let's see how it goes.

---------------------------------

1. Cleveland Cavaliers – Okay, so, you pat LeBron on the butt and he gets all angry and focused and destroys the other team. I guess that makes sense. Although – does that mean the rest of the time when he’s making the NBA his bitch, he’s not particularly focused? Geez, that’s a little scary.

2. Los Angeles Lakers – So this is why there was all that support for Steve Nash winning those two MVPs. Who’s the best player on the Lakers? Kobe Bryant, no question, no doubt. Who’s the most important player on the Lakers? Well, Kobe, obviously – unless it might be Pau Gasol, who lets Kobe perform to his full capabilities. It’s a silly question, but enough for a reasonable doubt to percolate.

3. Boston Celtics – Most scrubs are either super talented and not so bright, or pretty bright and a little less talented. It seems like all the C’s scrubs fall into the second category. They don’t, but it seems that way, you know?

4. Dallas Mavericks – They didn’t start the season on a roll, and they didn’t start in a slump and have to go on a roll to get here. They’ve just been sorta consistently excellent all year, probably as consistent as any team out there. This is what they are. It won’t win them any trophies, but it’s nothing to sneeze at.

5. Orlando Magic – Now, I live in Toronto, so all of the media I’m gonna see is not gonna be so unbiased when it comes to Mr. Vince Carter. But, seriously? Did you see how he separated his shoulder? I’ve had hugs that were more violent than that. Half Man, Half Amazingly Fragile.

6. San Antonio Spurs – Do you think they can afford to sit Parker for twenty games or so, let the plantar fasciitis get a bit healed? I don’t think they can. Shame, really.

7. Phoenix Suns – Now, these guys are a great team, but I think the unexpected hot start has sorta inflated their rating. They’re not going anywhere, but other teams might still catch them, if you know what I mean.

8. Atlanta Hawks – Like these guys. Does anyone think they’re playing at their full potential? And yet here they are, considered the 8th best team in the league. That’s a little disconcerting.

9. Denver Nuggets – These guys, too. With the right doctors (of course, they require both the medical and the head-shrinking variety), this team is right there with anybody. There are gonna be a lot of disappointed fans when only one team wins the whole enchilada.

10. Portland Trail Blazers – Thirty-six year old Juwan Howard is your starting centre. Bravo.

11. Oklahoma City Thunder – Blah blah blah, Durant’s phenomenal, yeah we know. Just wait until next year when he’s all over the TV. He won’t be quite so much your favourite underdog anymore. He’ll just be your favourite, whether you want him to be or not.

12. Houston Rockets – What other general manager has leeway from the fans to let a $23 million dollar player just walk away, without trying to get any more value from him than open payroll space at the end of the year?

13. Utah Jazz – Sure, the Jazz are inconsistent, but does any team really want to face them in a seven game series? Well, except maybe the Timberwolves, but you know what I mean.

14. Toronto Raptors – I was waiting all season for my Raps to make it into the top half of the league, and here we are. Of course, the satisfaction was kinda tempered by a 23-point loss to the Pacers, and, you know, the fact that it was such a mediocre goal to begin with.

15. New Orleans Hornets – And also making a return to the top half of the league, the Hornets. They’ve got a lot of ground to cover if they wanna be a Western playoff team, but I would have a hard time betting against Chris Paul. That’s all I’m saying.

16. Memphis Grizzlies – Could you legitimately put Pau Gasol as an all star power forward and have Marc Gasol as your backup all-star centre in the West? I think you could. That’s a nice little family reunion, don’t ya think?

17. Miami Heat – Really? Rafer Alston’s half season audition with the Nets this year made you want to go out and sign him? I get that he’s a stop-gap contract, but still, how you expect him to be better than just about anything you already have, well, I’m having a hard time grasping that concept.

18. Los Angeles Clippers – So, finally, you’re starting to play smart enough that your results start to match your talent, and then you get word that your prize rookie is twice as injured as originally thought. It’s a special kinda person who sticks with being a Clippers fan.

19. Charlotte Bobcats – These guys are just pesky. I usually like pesky – my favourite baseball players are invariably second basemen and left-fielders – but I just can’t get behind these guys. It’s like an entitled pesky, or maybe an overpaid pesky, or something. They’re not going anywhere, but really, who cares?

20. New York Knicks – It’s a good thing D’Antoni can get these guys to play hard for him, because they’re the same guys he’s gonna have next year. The revolution isn’t gonna be as widespread as people think.

21. Chicago Bulls – I think most of this team is just hoping nobody really notices them. Shhh.

22. Milwaukee Bucks – Michael Redd seems like a good guy, so I’m glad he managed to get a gold medal before his knee exploded. Other than that, though, I would start making basketball plans that did not include him. A shame.

23. Sacramento Kings – Odds are good that these guys will get to add another lottery pick to this collection next year. That’s gotta be good for the long-term plans.

24. Philadelphia 76ers – The whole here is less than the sum of its parts. There will be trade interest – or there would be, if the parts weren’t paid so freaking ridiculously well.

25. Golden State Warriors – And an injury to Randolph. Great. His trade value goes down, he’s stuck in Golden State for at least one more of his crucial development years, and we never know what might have been.

26. Washington Wizards – If this team does get blown up, I can only hope they trade Jamison and DeShawn Stevenson to the Cavs for Shaq. While it kinda makes basketball and contract sense, I can’t see anybody actually pulling the trigger on that, since it would make at least two of the three principals very disgruntled. However, because I am a jerk at heart, I find disgruntlement eternally amusing, and can only hope it happens.

27. Indiana Pacers – Now that Granger’s back, they can start making that run at 10th place in the Eastern Conference! Whoo-hoo!

28. Detroit Pistons – Too many people in that locker room have been on winning teams before. This has gone beyond frustration, all the way to white-hot anger. Look out.

29. Minnesota Timberwolves – When a team can be going through a 10+ game losing
streak and still be ranked better than you -- that can not be construed as a good sign.

30. New Jersey Nets – There are worse things than being number 30. For instance,
it’s a square pyramidal number, so it has that going for it.

Witness for the defence

Well, I don't have much of an opinion on the Gilbert Arenas thing. Owning a gun is kinda out of my realm of experience, so why someone would think it's a good idea to bring not one, not two, but three of them to work is just beyond me. I won't argue the right to bear arms -- I've eaten food that looked suspiciously like Bambi before someone I knew took aim (and it was tasty) -- but it's a pretty cut and dried rule that guns are verboten on NBA property, so Mr. Arenas is gonna have to man up to the consequences.

However -- what I do have a problem with is the idea that those consequences could include the Wizards  now being able to void his contract, based on a "moral terpitude" clause in the collective bargaining agreement between the NBA and the NBA Players Union. There's a whole lotta gray area here for me. Hypothetically. at the one end -- if a player is convicted of a felony (let's say something concerning dog-fighting) and scheduled to be in prison for the remainder of his athletic contract -- well, of course I have no objection to an owner getting out from under that waste of money, strictly based on the physical availability of the athelete. However -- that's not really the issue here. The thing that kills me here is that the drastic step of voiding Arenas' contract is only being discussed because it's such a disastrous contract for the Wizards. He's owed something in the neighbourhood of eighty million dollars over the life of his deal, and there's little doubt that in pure basketball terms, Arenas just isn't worth that kind of scratch any more. He's only 28, but he's had a couple of serious knee injuries, and he just hasn't been able to recapture the magic. He's still a capable NBA player, but not one that a franchise wants to base its whole salary structure around. If he was, though -- if there were 29 other NBA teams who were willing to snap him up at that price -- I have a hunch the Wizards would be letting the world know how disappointed they were with Gilbert's choices, but they have decided to support him as he takes responsibility for his actions.

I guess this is the thing. The Wizards management offered that contract to Gilbert Arenas. (Because I'm a weak little man, I can't resist pointing out that no-one held a gun to their heads.) They agreed to the dollar figures, the length of the contract, and the personality of the guy who was signing on the dotted line. That is their action, and anything following after that -- players being injured, players being suspended, players getting older, players getting stupider in their old age -- can be construed as consequences of that initial action. If Gilbert Arenas is suspended for 50-odd games and forfeits millions of dollars of salary, that is him taking responsibility for his actions. If the Wizards then void his contract, and get salary cap relief and a roster spot and improved locker room chemistry -- that strikes me as letting the bosses download responsibility for their actions on to the employees. As far as I'm concerned, that's a moral decision that the Wizards would be getting wrong, and it seems hypocritical of the NBA to condone this kind of immorality in the process of condemning another. The high ground would be pretty shaky.

One last thing -- if this does work out for the Wizards, I would like to prognosticate right now that someone will find a gun in Eddy Curry's locker before the end of the season. It might even be his.

NBA Power Rankings January 5 2010

Well -- let's just get right to it, shall we? 

---------------------------------------

1. Cleveland Cavaliers – Shaq bought LeBron a car for his birthday? Really? I don’t care if you’re close team mates and co-workers, and if the size of your paycheque makes this a mere token of your esteem – that’s a little creepy to me. Just keep playing defence, and sign the card going round the locker room, and we’re good, thanks.

2. Los Angeles Lakers – So, Option 1A has to sit down for a while. I’m a big fan of the Spanish national team, but I wonder if their trainers could use a visit from the Suns staff? Lotsa hammy issues.

3. Orlando Magic – Last year, people figured this team overachieved to get where they were, but now, not so much. Again, I have this hunch it’ll all tighten up when the games really matter, but right now, talent alone will keep this team ticking along.

4. Boston Celtics – Okay, so the injury gods weren’t satisfied with the Pierce offering, they went back for seconds and thirds. The Celts still won (yeah, it was just the Raps, but still), and injuries now are way preferable to injuries in March. I’m sure all concerned will live with it.

5. Dallas Mavericks – I never have anything to say about these guys. Dirk is awesome, but the problem is, they’ve set the bar so high that anything less than a Finals run will feel a little disappointing, and does anybody honestly see that happening?

6. San Antonio Spurs – This is a little weird – they appear to be rounding into form, but they haven’t gone on the Rodeo trip yet. I’d be a little discombobulated if this constitutes peaking too early.

7. Portland Trail Blazers – This is still a good team. A good team with lead weights crashing into its ankles, granted, but still a good team. It just remains to be seen if a shorthanded good team can be better than a healthy Memphis or Thunder. Man, it’d be nice to be in the East. Just ask Hedo.

8. Atlanta Hawks – Okay, now that’s the Hawks we all know, losing to the Heat because they don’t focus their talent properly. That’s a relief to the rest of the League.

(wait a beat)

No, I was just trying to convince myself. It’s a blip, they’ll be fine, and they’re still scary.

9. Phoenix Suns – I think these guys really enjoy going to work every day. That’s a gift, and I’d take it.

10. Denver Nuggets – Injuries haven’t hit these guys harder than any other teams, but they seem to be more affected by them so far. Does Chauncey want to be a coach when he retires? I bet he could get some work.

11. Houston Rockets – Okay, I wasn’t sure who you could plug into this line-up to make them better, but the T-Mac for Iguodala rumours piqued my interest. I can’t for the life of me figure out why Philly would think this was a good idea, but if it happens, I may need to get a tattoo to memorialize the event.

12. Oklahoma City Thunder – I just shake my head. This year was just supposed to be practice.

13. Utah Jazz – So, I suppose, you shouldn’t be surprised by inconsistency from a team named after a series of discordant notes?

14. Memphis Grizzlies – Yeah, that Jazz blurb was awful, sorry about that. It did, however, give me an excuse to write about something that isn’t the Grizzlies in the Memphis slot, and that can never be over-rated.

15. Miami Heat – I hadn’t realized that there’s no state income tax in Florida, which means Wade would have to leave even more money on the table if he wanted to jump ship as a free agent. No wonder everybody there is so secure in waiting for the future.

16. Toronto Raptors – I’d like to feel good about December for a bit longer, but January starts out a little rough, so it may be a toughie.

17. New Orleans Hornets – I’d have to assume Chris Paul is getting a little more help lately.

18. Charlotte Bobcats – So, if you’re finally gonna win a road game, you might as well do it in Cleveland, just to make up for all the other ones you probably coulda won. If they ever learned the basketball fundamental of not giving the ball to the other team, they might be dangerous.

19. Chicago Bulls – Fans are fickle. Vinny still has a job, but since his team won a few times, people aren’t as angry about it. Just wait.

20. New York Knicks – Nate gets forty-one points off the bench to beat the Hawks. Forty-one. Forty-one. I’m sorry for fixating on the number as opposed to emphasizing that it happened in a victory, but it just sorta seemed appropriate in this case. Next week I’ll talk about Larry Hughes, and likely use almost the same template.

21. Sacramento Kings – Ah, youth, where you get to play like you don’t realize you’re supposed to lose. Fun times.

22. Los Angeles Clippers – My favourite NBA punching bag is Ricky Davis – there’s just something about the guy that curls my upper lip. The fact that a former 20-point scorer averages under 12 minutes a game for the below .500 Clippers when he’s only 30, well, it’s one of those things that indicates the universe will eventually balance out.

23. Philadelphia 76ers – I don’t want to see Iverson voted on to the all-star team, and yet, I do. Hubris is intoxicating.

24. Milwaukee Bucks – It’s easy to be a playoff team when your rookie point guard drops 55. The odds of him averaging that feat, however, are somewhat slim.

25. Detroit Pistons – Less than a month ago, the Pistons were 15th on this list. There are other bad teams going through other bad stretches, but nobody’s fallen as hard as these guys.

26. Golden State Warriors – Please, don’t reduce me to writing about Corey Maggette. A fine player I’m sure, but come on -- on that roster, if he’s the storyline, there’s a young stud/riddle/project/freak-of-nature who’s being neglected.

27. Washington Wizards – I gotta say, it’s nice when teams way down at the bottom of the list give me something easy to write about. That said, resorting to firearms might be working a touch too hard for attention. Whatever happened to just flipping the bird to opposing fans? I’m almost nostalgic for a sex tape scandal.

28. Indiana Pacers – Troy Murphy is making eleven million dollars this year? Wow. I mean, I have absolutely nothing against the guy, but was he a franchise player at some point and I missed it?

29. Minnesota Timberwolves – There are people who write about the Minnesota Timberwolves every day, and some of them don’t even get paid for it. This is that kind of world.

30. New Jersey Nets – Honestly, I think the most important thing they could do would be to just shower the players with non-basketball related perks for the rest of the season. Get a bunch of stand-up comics to shag balls and keep the practices light-hearted. Spring for bi-weekly spa days for the wives and girlfriends. Winning just ain’t gonna happen, so it’s best to be able to live with it.

Cautiously pessimistic

I just needed to get this recorded while it's still a prediction and not a review -- I just discovered that Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett and Rajon Rondo will all miss tonight's basketball game against the Raptors. On learning that, my first reaction was one of horror, because I am almost certain the Raptors will now lose what I was hoping would be a winnable game.

My logic -- I knew the Raptors had a stretch of five reasonably vulnerable opponents coming up, but I also knew that the Celtics game was a steel door slamming shut on that string. However, Pierce was forced to sit out a couple of weeks, and that's kind of optimal for opponents -- you don't want to face an experienced team when they have a special incentive, like, "Hey, let's all pull together and show what we can do when we're missing one of our big guns." That first game of a star's injury leave is usually a win, but it's two or three games after that, when flaws are exposed and other teams have a chance to adjust their game plans to take advantage of your lesser talents.

So, the last couple of days, it seemed like all systems were go for the Raptors. Pierce was probably out, and KG was banged up a bit -- best case scenario, he starts, but isn't able to play at his normal level, which is probably worse for the team than if he just sits out. However -- now that three starters are gonna be missing, and especially since it looks like it's only gonna be this game (no Oden/Pryzbilla horrific timetables), I can feel in my bones that all of the bench Celtics are gonna explode for one game. It won't be thing of beauty basketball, but somehow they'll get it done, because that's what they do, and the Raptors are not a team that are adept at exploiting weaknesses. In reality, this was a game I was expecting a loss for anyway, so I believe I'll be prepared to take it in stride -- but dammit, when I read game stories tomorrow and then read the comments, I'm gonna have to put up with a ridiculous amount of teeth-gnashing and vitriol.

Prove me wrong, kids. Prove me wrong.