Also, I've realized that these things are kinda visually boring as a wall of text, so I'll try to throw some pictures in there when I can. I'm a words guy, though, so it may not make all that much sense. Let's see how it goes.
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1. Cleveland Cavaliers – Okay, so, you pat LeBron on the butt and he gets all angry and focused and destroys the other team. I guess that makes sense. Although – does that mean the rest of the time when he’s making the NBA his bitch, he’s not particularly focused? Geez, that’s a little scary.
2. Los Angeles Lakers – So this is why there was all that support for Steve Nash winning those two MVPs. Who’s the best player on the Lakers? Kobe Bryant, no question, no doubt. Who’s the most important player on the Lakers? Well, Kobe, obviously – unless it might be Pau Gasol, who lets Kobe perform to his full capabilities. It’s a silly question, but enough for a reasonable doubt to percolate.
3. Boston Celtics – Most scrubs are either super talented and not so bright, or pretty bright and a little less talented. It seems like all the C’s scrubs fall into the second category. They don’t, but it seems that way, you know?
4. Dallas Mavericks – They didn’t start the season on a roll, and they didn’t start in a slump and have to go on a roll to get here. They’ve just been sorta consistently excellent all year, probably as consistent as any team out there. This is what they are. It won’t win them any trophies, but it’s nothing to sneeze at.
5. Orlando Magic – Now, I live in Toronto, so all of the media I’m gonna see is not gonna be so unbiased when it comes to Mr. Vince Carter. But, seriously? Did you see how he separated his shoulder? I’ve had hugs that were more violent than that. Half Man, Half Amazingly Fragile.
6. San Antonio Spurs – Do you think they can afford to sit Parker for twenty games or so, let the plantar fasciitis get a bit healed? I don’t think they can. Shame, really.
7. Phoenix Suns – Now, these guys are a great team, but I think the unexpected hot start has sorta inflated their rating. They’re not going anywhere, but other teams might still catch them, if you know what I mean.
8. Atlanta Hawks – Like these guys. Does anyone think they’re playing at their full potential? And yet here they are, considered the 8th best team in the league. That’s a little disconcerting.
9. Denver Nuggets – These guys, too. With the right doctors (of course, they require both the medical and the head-shrinking variety), this team is right there with anybody. There are gonna be a lot of disappointed fans when only one team wins the whole enchilada.
10. Portland Trail Blazers – Thirty-six year old Juwan Howard is your starting centre. Bravo.
11. Oklahoma City Thunder – Blah blah blah, Durant’s phenomenal, yeah we know. Just wait until next year when he’s all over the TV. He won’t be quite so much your favourite underdog anymore. He’ll just be your favourite, whether you want him to be or not.
12. Houston Rockets – What other general manager has leeway from the fans to let a $23 million dollar player just walk away, without trying to get any more value from him than open payroll space at the end of the year?
13. Utah Jazz – Sure, the Jazz are inconsistent, but does any team really want to face them in a seven game series? Well, except maybe the Timberwolves, but you know what I mean.
14. Toronto Raptors – I was waiting all season for my Raps to make it into the top half of the league, and here we are. Of course, the satisfaction was kinda tempered by a 23-point loss to the Pacers, and, you know, the fact that it was such a mediocre goal to begin with.
15. New Orleans Hornets – And also making a return to the top half of the league, the Hornets. They’ve got a lot of ground to cover if they wanna be a Western playoff team, but I would have a hard time betting against Chris Paul. That’s all I’m saying.
16. Memphis Grizzlies – Could you legitimately put Pau Gasol as an all star power forward and have Marc Gasol as your backup all-star centre in the West? I think you could. That’s a nice little family reunion, don’t ya think?
17. Miami Heat – Really? Rafer Alston’s half season audition with the Nets this year made you want to go out and sign him? I get that he’s a stop-gap contract, but still, how you expect him to be better than just about anything you already have, well, I’m having a hard time grasping that concept.
18. Los Angeles Clippers – So, finally, you’re starting to play smart enough that your results start to match your talent, and then you get word that your prize rookie is twice as injured as originally thought. It’s a special kinda person who sticks with being a Clippers fan.
19. Charlotte Bobcats – These guys are just pesky. I usually like pesky – my favourite baseball players are invariably second basemen and left-fielders – but I just can’t get behind these guys. It’s like an entitled pesky, or maybe an overpaid pesky, or something. They’re not going anywhere, but really, who cares?
20. New York Knicks – It’s a good thing D’Antoni can get these guys to play hard for him, because they’re the same guys he’s gonna have next year. The revolution isn’t gonna be as widespread as people think.
21. Chicago Bulls – I think most of this team is just hoping nobody really notices them. Shhh.
22. Milwaukee Bucks – Michael Redd seems like a good guy, so I’m glad he managed to get a gold medal before his knee exploded. Other than that, though, I would start making basketball plans that did not include him. A shame.
23. Sacramento Kings – Odds are good that these guys will get to add another lottery pick to this collection next year. That’s gotta be good for the long-term plans.
24. Philadelphia 76ers – The whole here is less than the sum of its parts. There will be trade interest – or there would be, if the parts weren’t paid so freaking ridiculously well.
25. Golden State Warriors – And an injury to Randolph. Great. His trade value goes down, he’s stuck in Golden State for at least one more of his crucial development years, and we never know what might have been.
26. Washington Wizards – If this team does get blown up, I can only hope they trade Jamison and DeShawn Stevenson to the Cavs for Shaq. While it kinda makes basketball and contract sense, I can’t see anybody actually pulling the trigger on that, since it would make at least two of the three principals very disgruntled. However, because I am a jerk at heart, I find disgruntlement eternally amusing, and can only hope it happens.
27. Indiana Pacers – Now that Granger’s back, they can start making that run at 10th place in the Eastern Conference! Whoo-hoo!
28. Detroit Pistons – Too many people in that locker room have been on winning teams before. This has gone beyond frustration, all the way to white-hot anger. Look out.
29. Minnesota Timberwolves – When a team can be going through a 10+ game losing
streak and still be ranked better than you -- that can not be construed as a good sign.
30. New Jersey Nets – There are worse things than being number 30. For instance,
it’s a square pyramidal number, so it has that going for it.
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