Well, it's being posted on the 31st, but the majority of it was put together on the 29th. Just one of those things.
------------------------------------
1. Cleveland Cavaliers – So, it appears that all the Cavs needed to do was just kinda tidy up some spacing issues on the offensive end. The defence was there all along, and now that someone has informed the coaching staff that LeBron James plays for their team, everything should be copasetic from here on in. Man, that’s a lot of pre-written posts I’m gonna have to revisit for the next few months.
2. Boston Celtics – Well, I do think if you’re gonna get an injury, a late December Paul Pierce knee infection is about the best sacrifice the team can make to appease the basketball gods. May it be found worthy.
3. Los Angeles Lakers – There are like four or five teams in the league that the Lakers really need to bring full effort against if they wanna win. The rest, notwithstanding the inevitable mathematical necessities of a few losses here and there, are just statistical anomalies. I’m sure the Suns played a fine game, but really, again, I bet everybody tries harder in June. (Well, except for Kobe, but the rest of the guys, you know.)
4. Atlanta Hawks – For the last few years, at the beginning of every season, somebody would point to the personnel on the Hawks and predict great things, but the head-case-edness of it all negated any talent for me, and I always thought of them as an easy night on the schedule. Now, I don’t know what the hell changed, but they’re thisclose to scaring the bejeezus out of me.
5. Orlando Magic – What the hell are the Magic doing way down here? That either makes me happy for the calibre of the NBA or a wee bit cheesed at the writers who cover it.
6. Dallas Mavericks – What the hell are the Mavs doing way up here at this point in the season? That either makes me sad for the calibre of the NBA or a wee bit cheesed at the writers who cover it. … or maybe they’re good this year and I can’t quite fathom it. Ah well.
7. San Antonio Spurs – I like it when a team beats the teams it’s supposed to beat, and the Spurs are definitely doing that, same as always. Unfortunately, the number of teams in that category has shrunk recently. I mean, the category can only be defined as “every other team in the league” for so long, but I bet that’s slim consolation in the here and now.
8. Portland Trail Blazers – Of course, if there’s a team that has no interest in the consolation of anybody else…
9. Denver Nuggets – Bumps and bruises and general discomfort to some of the main characters here. Championship teams either stay healthy, or are the best water-treaders through adversity. If you asked the Magic 8-Ball what kind of team this is, I’m not sure where all the signs would point towards.
10. Phoenix Suns – The worst part about the nice surprise the Suns have been this season – with pretty much every other team in the league (you know, except the Nets), you can picture the cavalry arriving, and the team would be better in March than they are now. A rookie matures, a veteran heals, chemistry gels, a crazy trade fixes a glaring hole. I think this team is fantastic, but they’re as good now as they’re gonna get. Amare would be a great candidate for healing-slash-maturing-slash-exploding, but…
11. Houston Rockets – Like, these guys, the most overachieving bunch in the league, still have a $23 million bargaining chip to improve with -- one who could miraculously turn into an All-Star if you had a time machine handy. I don’t see them getting better this year, but they have that out-of-left-field hope in the back of their minds.
12. Miami Heat – The Miami Heat are the fifth best team in the Eastern Conference by a near-inexplicable margin, in both the good and bad direction. The Vegas odds on a first round playoff upset are going to be the stuff of legend this year.
13. Utah Jazz – There’s another trade or two in these guys. It won’t change much, but it’ll be blog fodder for a while.
14. Oklahoma City Thunder – If these guys catch the injury-riddled Blazers for the eighth seed, I predict a glut of articles about the passing of the team-of-the-future torch.
15. Memphis Grizzlies – You know, this is the overachieving team that nobody cares about. Seriously, googling “Memphis Grizzlies” yields fewer hits than everybody but the Blazers (I think Blazers vs. Trail Blazers skews the results there) and the T-Wolves (just bad, without being historically Nets-type bad), and that takes into account all the Iverson hoopla from the early season. The invisible team. (Oh, and on an unrelated note, the Thunder have twice as many pages as the Lakers and three times as many as anybody else. I’m sure weather reports have nothing to do with that.)
16. Toronto Raptors – I’d like to believe this little run is a sign of things to come, but I’d like to see them play some good teams before I relax. Of course, I still think that they’d win a seven game series over the lofty Heat right now, so maybe improvement isn’t quite the imperative that it should be.
17. Sacramento Kings – This was supposed to be a weak draft. Tell that to the team with three productive rookies in its rotation.
18. New Orleans Hornets – All world players who make their teammates better shouldn’t be playing on the 18th best team in the league. Chris Paul is phenomenal, but unfortunately, his teammates are less so.
19. Los Angeles Clippers – I would love for Blake Griffin to be the missing piece. I’d also love to see him tear a strip of Baron Davis when he breaks a play for the eighth time in a row. It wouldn’t be productive, but it would be awesome nonetheless.
20. Milwaukee Bucks – If I told you you could have a rookie point guard average 19 points, 6 assists, and 35 minutes a game, would you take it? Then why is everybody worried about Jennings being in a slump?
21. Charlotte Bobcats – I just can’t get interested in this team. I’d rather play golf, and I hate golf.
22. New York Knicks – Knicks seem to play better without Robinson – that was newsworthy. Knicks seem to play better without Curry – seriously? This is news? What was your sample size to draw from?
23. Detroit Pistons – The injured reserves are coming back, but no-one’s really breathing a sigh of relief. Probably not a good sign.
24. Chicago Bulls – I don’t believe in firing a coach because the fans are antsy, and neither do I believe in firing a coach based on one or two stink-fests. The NBA season is long, GMs should know what they’re in for. However – I am fairly comfortable with firing coaches because they are bad at the job. I believe I’ll just leave that hanging.
25. Washington Wizards – It’s an ugly thing, but in this year’s East, would anybody really be surprised if Washington landed themselves an 8th seed? The only way it would be worth it would be if the Cavs were the 1st seed.
26. Golden State Warriors – What would their record be if D’Antoni was the coach? They could still be the crazy gunner kinda team, but maybe with a purpose. Alas.
27. Philadelphia 76ers – Of all the teams down here – I think Philly has probably made more moves that other teams would have made than anybody else. Arenas’ massive contract? Giving Nellie carte blanche? Signing Gordon and Villanueva? All questioned as they happened. Signing Brand? Seemed like a good idea at the time.
28. Minnesota Timberwolves – They are a better team with Kevin Love back. Baby steps.
29. Indiana Pacers – They’d be a better team with Danny Granger back. Yeah, that’s a reach, but it’s the best I got right now.
30. New Jersey Nets – Yes, they’re pencilled in here for the foreseeable future.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
...and a lazy new year.
So, you know, I feel the obligation to post something on a semi-regular basis, but you know, it's Christmas, and I can't be bothered coming up with brand new thoughts. I'll just give you something I've done before, from around April of 2005. I mean, it's not like anybody's gonna protest. Muah-hah.
-----------------------------------------
1. If elected pope, what would your first official act be?
I would let anybody who wants to get married -- gay, straight, interfaith, tall, short, colour blind, left handed, whatever, and most importantly (if I was pope), let the clergy get hitched. To slightly paraphrase the immortal words of Alex P. Keaton, “If God had wanted me to be celibate, he wouldn’t have made me so damn cute.”
2. How many keys do you carry around on a daily basis, and how many of them are you not sure what they’re for?
There are five keys on my key ring, one of them opens up all the doors at a job I left a year ago, and one of them opens some door on my house but I’m not sure which one, I just know it’s not the front door.
3. How much would it cost for you to pose naked?
I know I’ve seen that question before, but there are a lot of different answers. For example, I pose naked for free all the time, it’s just that I’m by myself and in front of the bathroom mirror. At Mardi Gras, it would probably only take a really good strand of beads. At a small-venue rock concert, probably in the $500-$1000 range, assuming the offer was open to my gender. For a life drawing class, assuming it was taking place in a city where nobody knew me, let’s say a hundred bucks an hour, sounds like the going rate. After that, of course, as soon as somebody wants to record the pose on some sort of reproducible medium that I don’t have control of, the price goes up considerably. As far as I know, since I’ve been old enough to know what clothes were, there are no naked pictures of me. If I’m going to break that streak, I’d want to be sure I could live pretty comfortably for a long time on the proceeds.
4. Who are your ideal dinner party guests?
Good conversationalists with good senses of humour and don’t take themselves too seriously, but also let you get a word in edgewise -- Billy Connolly, Conan O’Brien, John Stewart, Dustin Hoffman, Tina Fey, that kinda thing.
5. Who’s on your ideal Truth or Dare roster?
Every girl I’ve ever had a crush on. Every last one.
6. Do you usually pick truth or dare?
I don’t like to lie, so I usually pick dare.
7. What was the last thing you lost?
I just realized a little while ago that I can’t find a Blues Traveller CD.
8. What was your last injury?
I don’t know if it’s my last injury, but it’s the one that called attention to itself most recently -- I got whacked on the thumb playing lacrosse last year, and some days it still hurts if I open a jar wrong.
9. What would be the first thing you bought if you won a ten million dollar lottery?
The part of my house that the bank owns.
10. What would be the first thing you bought if you won a ten dollar lottery?
Probably another ticket.
11. If there was a deli sandwich named after you, what would the ingredients be?
White bread, sharp cheese, lean turkey, full to bursting and held together with toothpicks, garnished with a cherry if you’re feeling saucy.
12. Who’s the least attractive person that you still think is hot?
I really don’t know. Bjork, maybe? There was a girl in one of my classes once who wasn’t particularly much to look at but she was pretty smart, and she really grew on me as the year went on.
13. What was the last thing you fixed?
Does changing a light bulb count? How about the battery in the smoke detector? Nothing jumps immediately to mind. Wow, that’s depressing.
14. How long do you expect to stay at your current job?
Probably too long, if history is any judge.
15. How many emails do you deal with on an average day?
Around forty or fifty, I’d say.
16. Given the choice between one or the other, do you prefer to cook dinner, or clean up after?
I’d most prefer to share both -- I tend to space out when I’m working independently -- but I’d probably take cooking. I’d hate to have to start working just as someone else got to start relaxing.
17. How many months of the year are you more likely to choose shorts instead of pants?
None. I got me some scrawny legs.
18. How many songs have you downloaded in the past year?
None. I’m future illiterate.
19. What’s the title of your autobiography?
Wellll…..
20. What was your all-time best Halloween costume?
I think Jughead -- it was easy, appropriate to personality, and recognizable.
-----------------------------------------
1. If elected pope, what would your first official act be?
I would let anybody who wants to get married -- gay, straight, interfaith, tall, short, colour blind, left handed, whatever, and most importantly (if I was pope), let the clergy get hitched. To slightly paraphrase the immortal words of Alex P. Keaton, “If God had wanted me to be celibate, he wouldn’t have made me so damn cute.”
2. How many keys do you carry around on a daily basis, and how many of them are you not sure what they’re for?
There are five keys on my key ring, one of them opens up all the doors at a job I left a year ago, and one of them opens some door on my house but I’m not sure which one, I just know it’s not the front door.
3. How much would it cost for you to pose naked?
I know I’ve seen that question before, but there are a lot of different answers. For example, I pose naked for free all the time, it’s just that I’m by myself and in front of the bathroom mirror. At Mardi Gras, it would probably only take a really good strand of beads. At a small-venue rock concert, probably in the $500-$1000 range, assuming the offer was open to my gender. For a life drawing class, assuming it was taking place in a city where nobody knew me, let’s say a hundred bucks an hour, sounds like the going rate. After that, of course, as soon as somebody wants to record the pose on some sort of reproducible medium that I don’t have control of, the price goes up considerably. As far as I know, since I’ve been old enough to know what clothes were, there are no naked pictures of me. If I’m going to break that streak, I’d want to be sure I could live pretty comfortably for a long time on the proceeds.
4. Who are your ideal dinner party guests?
Good conversationalists with good senses of humour and don’t take themselves too seriously, but also let you get a word in edgewise -- Billy Connolly, Conan O’Brien, John Stewart, Dustin Hoffman, Tina Fey, that kinda thing.
5. Who’s on your ideal Truth or Dare roster?
Every girl I’ve ever had a crush on. Every last one.
6. Do you usually pick truth or dare?
I don’t like to lie, so I usually pick dare.
7. What was the last thing you lost?
I just realized a little while ago that I can’t find a Blues Traveller CD.
8. What was your last injury?
I don’t know if it’s my last injury, but it’s the one that called attention to itself most recently -- I got whacked on the thumb playing lacrosse last year, and some days it still hurts if I open a jar wrong.
9. What would be the first thing you bought if you won a ten million dollar lottery?
The part of my house that the bank owns.
10. What would be the first thing you bought if you won a ten dollar lottery?
Probably another ticket.
11. If there was a deli sandwich named after you, what would the ingredients be?
White bread, sharp cheese, lean turkey, full to bursting and held together with toothpicks, garnished with a cherry if you’re feeling saucy.
12. Who’s the least attractive person that you still think is hot?
I really don’t know. Bjork, maybe? There was a girl in one of my classes once who wasn’t particularly much to look at but she was pretty smart, and she really grew on me as the year went on.
13. What was the last thing you fixed?
Does changing a light bulb count? How about the battery in the smoke detector? Nothing jumps immediately to mind. Wow, that’s depressing.
14. How long do you expect to stay at your current job?
Probably too long, if history is any judge.
15. How many emails do you deal with on an average day?
Around forty or fifty, I’d say.
16. Given the choice between one or the other, do you prefer to cook dinner, or clean up after?
I’d most prefer to share both -- I tend to space out when I’m working independently -- but I’d probably take cooking. I’d hate to have to start working just as someone else got to start relaxing.
17. How many months of the year are you more likely to choose shorts instead of pants?
None. I got me some scrawny legs.
18. How many songs have you downloaded in the past year?
None. I’m future illiterate.
19. What’s the title of your autobiography?
Wellll…..
20. What was your all-time best Halloween costume?
I think Jughead -- it was easy, appropriate to personality, and recognizable.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
NBA Power Rankings, December 18 2009
You know, I started these with the intention that they'd be weekly, but I randomly started on a Friday, and that doesnt make a whole lot of sense. I think I'm gonna switch the next one to a Tuesday or Wednesday. See how that goes.
Anyway --
1. Boston Celtics – Well, everything is just ticking along swimmingly, I suppose. All five starters are being touted for the All-Star game; at least, they are if you talk to all five starters. And yet, I can’t make myself care all that much, not until I know whether KG will still have knees in April. Kinda takes the fun out of winning streaks.
2. Los Angeles Lakers – Sheesh, when do they do those tests that show that Kobe is actually composed of a mimetic adhesive poly-alloy? He broke a finger on his shooting hand, and I swear he just willed some slightly less necessary part of his spleen to redistribute itself to where it was needed most. It’s just not fair.
3. Orlando Magic – And on the other hand, the same night that Kobe broke his finger and returned later that same game, Vince Carter left a game 2 ½ minutes into the second half with a sore right knee and did not return. Not to beat a dead horse, but man, he don’t always make himself look good, y’know?
4. Atlanta Hawks – Al Horford is six foot ten. In my next life, I wanna come back as an undersized NBA centre. Not Chuck Hayes, though, that guy’s way too short.
5. Cleveland Cavaliers – A team I just can’t get all that excited about. Yeah, they have the basketball neutron Bron when playoffs come, but really, the difference from last year is that they added Shaq, AP and Moon, two aging starters from non-playoff teams last year and a hyper-athletic guy who will frustrate you no matter which side you’re cheering for.
6. Denver Nuggets – Chauncey just tweaked a muscle in the man-region. Could be nothing, could linger for weeks. Ty Lawson, show us what you got.
7. Dallas Mavericks – Here’s something – I don’t expect injuries to the old guys on this team. Howard might pop something, but Nowitzki and Kidd, they’ll go all year. This might actually be what to expect from this team. Huh.
8. Utah Jazz – A hell week of Lakers X 2, Magic, and Spurs, and they go 3 and 1. That oughta go in the scrapbook. You’re allowed to have a T-Wolf letdown after that.
9. Phoenix Suns – Has anyone pointed out that Steve Nash is the anti-contract year player yet? No? Okay, let me do it. He’s better when he knows people want him around.
10. San Antonio Spurs – Tim Duncan is kind of godlike. Has anyone asked him to just, you know, lay his hands on Manu’s knees and ankles? Couldn’t hurt.
11. Houston Rockets – T-Mac is back in the line-up, and being used exactly as much as he should be. I honestly don’t see him being traded this year, I totally believe Morey just wants all that cap room to go after 7 underachievers. He certainly doesn’t want more years of salary cap straitjackets.
12. Oklahoma City Thunder – What are the odds these guys pull off a trade for Marc Gasol in 2012? Like, 70-30?
13. Portland Trail Blazers -- What are the odds these guys pull off a trade of Greg Oden in 2012? Like, 70-30?
14. Miami Heat – Wade doesn’t have as much to prove this year as last year. He’s more likely to attract a free-agent running mate if he plays the whole season at 90%, rather than go Supernova again and get injured. Save it for next year.
15. Detroit Pistons – These guys are like the Rockets lite, winning with the second half of their line-up, except that I don’t really wanna cheer for them. Can’t put my finger on it. I think it might be the difference in GMs, and my faith that the next move will be a good one or not.
16. Milwaukee Bucks – Welcome to the Eastern Conference, where being .500 (with a rookie point guard) makes you a team to watch. Just don’t tell anybody, or it’ll cost ya $7500.
17. New Orleans Hornets – I guarantee Chris Paul will not spend his entire career in New Orleans, although now that I think about it, I can’t guarantee he won’t spend his entire career with that franchise. Makes me sad.
18. Memphis Grizzlies – At the beginning of the season, I seriously expected the NBA leader in assists to outdo the entire Memphis squad. Steve Nash is at 11.3 per game. Memphis is at 18.9, ahead of seven other teams. Glad I kept my money in my wallet.
19. Sacramento Kings – Welcome to the Western Conference, where two games under .500 (with a rookie point guard) makes you a team to watch.
20. Toronto Raptors – Honestly – I came up with a name for this blog entirely independent of the fact that my home team often looks like they could use some Red Bull. Gah.
21. Charlotte Bobcats – Gerald Wallace is gonna average 10+ rebounds this season, just because all of a sudden he feels like he should. I don’t know if I should be impressed or wonder why he never did it before.
22. New York Knicks – Okay, so they probably won’t get any major free agents this summer. Plan B – they put the New York media to work, and flood the markets with stories about how all the biggies are gonna sign 2-year contracts, with the second year as the player’s option, because it might be a sound move for when the economy rebounds and the cap can go back up. Or something like that. Anything so the Knicks get a shot at bidding without the Eddy Curry factor weighing in.
23. Los Angeles Clippers – Recently, I inadvertently discovered that Mike Dunleavy is the winning-est coach in Clippers history. I actually heaved an audible sigh once I finished typing that sentence.
24. Indiana Pacers – I should make some crack about sighing when I realize something about Mike Dunleavy Jr., but honestly, I just don’t have the energy. That last one is still bugging me.
25. Washington Wizards – If you told me the Wizards’ Achilles heel was gonna be defence, or Gil’s knees, or injuries in general, or non-specific boneheadedness, yeah, I could’ve got behind that. But free throws? Did not see that coming.
26. Chicago Bulls – I actually saw it suggested that someday Beasley might be thought of as the star of his draft class, eclipsing Rose. It’d be a damn shame (well, you know, good for Beasley and all, but you know what I mean), but at least Rose’d have his modelling career to fall back on.
27. Golden State Warriors – I make this bold prediction: At some point this season, there will be an unremarkable looking game on the Warriors schedule that turns into some offensive explosion record-setting night. For either team. It’ll have something to do with a combo guard.
28. Philadelphia 76ers – Dude, Iverson has an arthritic knee now. And he’s gonna keep playing. Damn, who’d have thought I’d get nostalgic for Sprewell?
29. Minnesota Timberwolves – Keep playing hard, boys, I swear it’s appreciated.
30. New Jersey Nets – I got nothing. There aren’t enough ping-pong balls in the world to make this palatable.
Anyway --
1. Boston Celtics – Well, everything is just ticking along swimmingly, I suppose. All five starters are being touted for the All-Star game; at least, they are if you talk to all five starters. And yet, I can’t make myself care all that much, not until I know whether KG will still have knees in April. Kinda takes the fun out of winning streaks.
2. Los Angeles Lakers – Sheesh, when do they do those tests that show that Kobe is actually composed of a mimetic adhesive poly-alloy? He broke a finger on his shooting hand, and I swear he just willed some slightly less necessary part of his spleen to redistribute itself to where it was needed most. It’s just not fair.
3. Orlando Magic – And on the other hand, the same night that Kobe broke his finger and returned later that same game, Vince Carter left a game 2 ½ minutes into the second half with a sore right knee and did not return. Not to beat a dead horse, but man, he don’t always make himself look good, y’know?
4. Atlanta Hawks – Al Horford is six foot ten. In my next life, I wanna come back as an undersized NBA centre. Not Chuck Hayes, though, that guy’s way too short.
5. Cleveland Cavaliers – A team I just can’t get all that excited about. Yeah, they have the basketball neutron Bron when playoffs come, but really, the difference from last year is that they added Shaq, AP and Moon, two aging starters from non-playoff teams last year and a hyper-athletic guy who will frustrate you no matter which side you’re cheering for.
6. Denver Nuggets – Chauncey just tweaked a muscle in the man-region. Could be nothing, could linger for weeks. Ty Lawson, show us what you got.
7. Dallas Mavericks – Here’s something – I don’t expect injuries to the old guys on this team. Howard might pop something, but Nowitzki and Kidd, they’ll go all year. This might actually be what to expect from this team. Huh.
8. Utah Jazz – A hell week of Lakers X 2, Magic, and Spurs, and they go 3 and 1. That oughta go in the scrapbook. You’re allowed to have a T-Wolf letdown after that.
9. Phoenix Suns – Has anyone pointed out that Steve Nash is the anti-contract year player yet? No? Okay, let me do it. He’s better when he knows people want him around.
10. San Antonio Spurs – Tim Duncan is kind of godlike. Has anyone asked him to just, you know, lay his hands on Manu’s knees and ankles? Couldn’t hurt.
11. Houston Rockets – T-Mac is back in the line-up, and being used exactly as much as he should be. I honestly don’t see him being traded this year, I totally believe Morey just wants all that cap room to go after 7 underachievers. He certainly doesn’t want more years of salary cap straitjackets.
12. Oklahoma City Thunder – What are the odds these guys pull off a trade for Marc Gasol in 2012? Like, 70-30?
13. Portland Trail Blazers -- What are the odds these guys pull off a trade of Greg Oden in 2012? Like, 70-30?
14. Miami Heat – Wade doesn’t have as much to prove this year as last year. He’s more likely to attract a free-agent running mate if he plays the whole season at 90%, rather than go Supernova again and get injured. Save it for next year.
15. Detroit Pistons – These guys are like the Rockets lite, winning with the second half of their line-up, except that I don’t really wanna cheer for them. Can’t put my finger on it. I think it might be the difference in GMs, and my faith that the next move will be a good one or not.
16. Milwaukee Bucks – Welcome to the Eastern Conference, where being .500 (with a rookie point guard) makes you a team to watch. Just don’t tell anybody, or it’ll cost ya $7500.
17. New Orleans Hornets – I guarantee Chris Paul will not spend his entire career in New Orleans, although now that I think about it, I can’t guarantee he won’t spend his entire career with that franchise. Makes me sad.
18. Memphis Grizzlies – At the beginning of the season, I seriously expected the NBA leader in assists to outdo the entire Memphis squad. Steve Nash is at 11.3 per game. Memphis is at 18.9, ahead of seven other teams. Glad I kept my money in my wallet.
19. Sacramento Kings – Welcome to the Western Conference, where two games under .500 (with a rookie point guard) makes you a team to watch.
20. Toronto Raptors – Honestly – I came up with a name for this blog entirely independent of the fact that my home team often looks like they could use some Red Bull. Gah.
21. Charlotte Bobcats – Gerald Wallace is gonna average 10+ rebounds this season, just because all of a sudden he feels like he should. I don’t know if I should be impressed or wonder why he never did it before.
22. New York Knicks – Okay, so they probably won’t get any major free agents this summer. Plan B – they put the New York media to work, and flood the markets with stories about how all the biggies are gonna sign 2-year contracts, with the second year as the player’s option, because it might be a sound move for when the economy rebounds and the cap can go back up. Or something like that. Anything so the Knicks get a shot at bidding without the Eddy Curry factor weighing in.
23. Los Angeles Clippers – Recently, I inadvertently discovered that Mike Dunleavy is the winning-est coach in Clippers history. I actually heaved an audible sigh once I finished typing that sentence.
24. Indiana Pacers – I should make some crack about sighing when I realize something about Mike Dunleavy Jr., but honestly, I just don’t have the energy. That last one is still bugging me.
25. Washington Wizards – If you told me the Wizards’ Achilles heel was gonna be defence, or Gil’s knees, or injuries in general, or non-specific boneheadedness, yeah, I could’ve got behind that. But free throws? Did not see that coming.
26. Chicago Bulls – I actually saw it suggested that someday Beasley might be thought of as the star of his draft class, eclipsing Rose. It’d be a damn shame (well, you know, good for Beasley and all, but you know what I mean), but at least Rose’d have his modelling career to fall back on.
27. Golden State Warriors – I make this bold prediction: At some point this season, there will be an unremarkable looking game on the Warriors schedule that turns into some offensive explosion record-setting night. For either team. It’ll have something to do with a combo guard.
28. Philadelphia 76ers – Dude, Iverson has an arthritic knee now. And he’s gonna keep playing. Damn, who’d have thought I’d get nostalgic for Sprewell?
29. Minnesota Timberwolves – Keep playing hard, boys, I swear it’s appreciated.
30. New Jersey Nets – I got nothing. There aren’t enough ping-pong balls in the world to make this palatable.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Capitulation to Geekiness
I've had this long post bashing around in my head for a while now, but I've taken four or five runs at it and it's not working, so I'm gonna put some filler up here, just so there's a buffer between two consecutive power rankings.
So, a while ago, I don't remember how long, I got a five dollar bill in my change. I suppose that's not all that unusual, but some artistic soul had decided it needed improving upon:
Now, I don't remember where I first obtained this objet d'art, but I'm gonna have to assume it was somewhere in my neighbourhood, because the local video store just bestowed me with this:
So, a while ago, I don't remember how long, I got a five dollar bill in my change. I suppose that's not all that unusual, but some artistic soul had decided it needed improving upon:
Kind of silly, but I liked it. I don't know, the vertical lines along the brow line remind me of a Roman centurion-style helmet, with the full manly gladiator beard. I got a kick out of it, so I never spent it, it's just been kicking around my apartment for months.
Now, I don't remember where I first obtained this objet d'art, but I'm gonna have to assume it was somewhere in my neighbourhood, because the local video store just bestowed me with this:
I gotta tell you, I had no idea Sir Wilfred Laurier had such malleable features. This makes me happy on far too many levels, and I can only hope this mad scribbler continues getting inspired, because these two bills are now out of circulation.
Friday, December 11, 2009
NBA Power Rankings, December 11 2009
1. Los Angeles Lakers – So, the Lakers are healthy, right? Wait, what? You mean Luke Walton is injured? Well, all right! Other teams might have a chance now!
2. Orlando Magic – It’s quiet. Too quiet.
3. Boston Celtics – I think someone should start a petition requesting Kendrick Perkins grow an evil-Shatner goatee. I also nominate anybody but me to present it to him.
4. Denver Nuggets – I think a trade for Tyler Hansbrough has gotta be in the works. This team needs some non-tattooed skin.
5. Cleveland Cavaliers – Shaq, Shaq, Shaq. How much longer until you are no longer talented enough say whatever you want? The over/under is about 2.5 years. Would have been longer if you hadn’t stolen Nash’s reality TV idea.
6. Atlanta Hawks – Jamal Crawford is on the first playoff-bound team of his career. He’s rested.
7. Phoenix Suns – Steve Nash’s hair is a bit too short for my tastes right now. Otherwise, have at it, young man.
8. Dallas Mavericks – Who wins a seven game playoff starting tomorrow, Mavs or Spurs? It’s for the NBA’s official “One Last Try Before The Window Closes” Team, if that sweetens the pot any.
9. Utah Jazz – Did anybody go to prom with the Jazz? I saw them at the reunion a while ago, and they’ve aged pretty well. Not a knockout anymore, but you know, still pretty hot for their age.
10. Houston Rockets – Okay, take out the elite no-brainers (Kobe, LeBron, Paul, etc) – who could you trade for that you would trust to make this line-up better? If the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, which part could you safely tinker with?
11. Oklahoma City Thunder – I completely believe this team is currently accurately rated, and yet, I don’t think they will be this high at the end of the year. I’d like to be proven wrong, though.
12. Portland Trail Blazers – Remember two years ago, when the Blazers were the team of the future, and then last year, it became the Thunder? I dig the current Blazer team okay, but I have bad premonitions for the future. The front office seems to be better with talent than with contracts, and that may bite’em.
13. Miami Heat – If I asked you, “Who is the least pimp player in the NBA?”, I would totally understand if you chose Chris Quinn. Of course, that’s only because I assume most of you haven’t seen this picture.
14. San Antonio Spurs – Matt Bonner? Round peg in a round hole. Richard Jefferson? Round peg in a round hole that might be just a skosh too big for him. Time will tell.
15. Sacramento Kings – They mostly just anger me right now, because everybody’s so happy that they’re exceeding expectations. This warm fuzziness will last until next year, when they improve on this year but not by enough to please everyone’s falsely inflated expectations. Gah.
16. New Orleans Hornets – Your record gets better when you’re forced to start relying on the rookies. I have slack-jawed awe for Chris Paul, but even when he’s back to full strength, I don’t see this lasting.
17. Milwaukee Bucks – Yeah, yeah, Jennings blah blah blah. Dig him and all, but check the record when Bogut is out of the line-up. Dude’s such a team player, he high fives himself.
18. Los Angeles Clippers – It’s the Clips. Insert standard Clippers comment here.
19. Charlotte Bobcats – This will be the best season of Larry Brown’s Bobcats tenure, no matter how long it lasts. They might make the playoffs. Dream big, guys.
20. Memphis Grizzlies – I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. How does a team trade for Zach Randolph and get better? Must be Conley’s good influence.
21. Detroit Pistons – I think this team, as currently constructed, is performing as well as you could reasonably expect. Dream big, guys.
22. Toronto Raptors – I want to simultaneously believe that this team will be in the top half of the league at the end of the season, while presently being vastly over-rated at the 22-spot.
23. Washington Wizards – There’s no there there.
24. Chicago Bulls – These guys. Can’t score. On. The Raptors. Twice.
25. New York Knicks – Nate, Iverson was 33 before they benched him, and he’s taller than you. Please give your head a shake.
26. Golden State Warriors – Tractors. Vinyl pants. Calculus. Appendicitis. It is not required to make sense when discussing Nellie-ball.
27. Indiana Pacers – Very few teams get better after trading Rasho Nesterovic. The Spurs might be an exception, but geez, the Spurs are always an exception.
28. Philadelphia 76ers – Somebody deserves better than this. Probably Iguodala.
29. Minnesota Timberwolves – I do believe this team will get better, but not quickly, and not strongly enough to guess how much better. That’s depressing.
30. New Jersey Nets – They used to be car-wreck bad, but once they won a couple, they can just go back to being the kind of bad that nobody cares about.
2. Orlando Magic – It’s quiet. Too quiet.
3. Boston Celtics – I think someone should start a petition requesting Kendrick Perkins grow an evil-Shatner goatee. I also nominate anybody but me to present it to him.
4. Denver Nuggets – I think a trade for Tyler Hansbrough has gotta be in the works. This team needs some non-tattooed skin.
5. Cleveland Cavaliers – Shaq, Shaq, Shaq. How much longer until you are no longer talented enough say whatever you want? The over/under is about 2.5 years. Would have been longer if you hadn’t stolen Nash’s reality TV idea.
6. Atlanta Hawks – Jamal Crawford is on the first playoff-bound team of his career. He’s rested.
7. Phoenix Suns – Steve Nash’s hair is a bit too short for my tastes right now. Otherwise, have at it, young man.
8. Dallas Mavericks – Who wins a seven game playoff starting tomorrow, Mavs or Spurs? It’s for the NBA’s official “One Last Try Before The Window Closes” Team, if that sweetens the pot any.
9. Utah Jazz – Did anybody go to prom with the Jazz? I saw them at the reunion a while ago, and they’ve aged pretty well. Not a knockout anymore, but you know, still pretty hot for their age.
10. Houston Rockets – Okay, take out the elite no-brainers (Kobe, LeBron, Paul, etc) – who could you trade for that you would trust to make this line-up better? If the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, which part could you safely tinker with?
11. Oklahoma City Thunder – I completely believe this team is currently accurately rated, and yet, I don’t think they will be this high at the end of the year. I’d like to be proven wrong, though.
12. Portland Trail Blazers – Remember two years ago, when the Blazers were the team of the future, and then last year, it became the Thunder? I dig the current Blazer team okay, but I have bad premonitions for the future. The front office seems to be better with talent than with contracts, and that may bite’em.
13. Miami Heat – If I asked you, “Who is the least pimp player in the NBA?”, I would totally understand if you chose Chris Quinn. Of course, that’s only because I assume most of you haven’t seen this picture.
14. San Antonio Spurs – Matt Bonner? Round peg in a round hole. Richard Jefferson? Round peg in a round hole that might be just a skosh too big for him. Time will tell.
15. Sacramento Kings – They mostly just anger me right now, because everybody’s so happy that they’re exceeding expectations. This warm fuzziness will last until next year, when they improve on this year but not by enough to please everyone’s falsely inflated expectations. Gah.
16. New Orleans Hornets – Your record gets better when you’re forced to start relying on the rookies. I have slack-jawed awe for Chris Paul, but even when he’s back to full strength, I don’t see this lasting.
17. Milwaukee Bucks – Yeah, yeah, Jennings blah blah blah. Dig him and all, but check the record when Bogut is out of the line-up. Dude’s such a team player, he high fives himself.
18. Los Angeles Clippers – It’s the Clips. Insert standard Clippers comment here.
19. Charlotte Bobcats – This will be the best season of Larry Brown’s Bobcats tenure, no matter how long it lasts. They might make the playoffs. Dream big, guys.
20. Memphis Grizzlies – I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. How does a team trade for Zach Randolph and get better? Must be Conley’s good influence.
21. Detroit Pistons – I think this team, as currently constructed, is performing as well as you could reasonably expect. Dream big, guys.
22. Toronto Raptors – I want to simultaneously believe that this team will be in the top half of the league at the end of the season, while presently being vastly over-rated at the 22-spot.
23. Washington Wizards – There’s no there there.
24. Chicago Bulls – These guys. Can’t score. On. The Raptors. Twice.
25. New York Knicks – Nate, Iverson was 33 before they benched him, and he’s taller than you. Please give your head a shake.
26. Golden State Warriors – Tractors. Vinyl pants. Calculus. Appendicitis. It is not required to make sense when discussing Nellie-ball.
27. Indiana Pacers – Very few teams get better after trading Rasho Nesterovic. The Spurs might be an exception, but geez, the Spurs are always an exception.
28. Philadelphia 76ers – Somebody deserves better than this. Probably Iguodala.
29. Minnesota Timberwolves – I do believe this team will get better, but not quickly, and not strongly enough to guess how much better. That’s depressing.
30. New Jersey Nets – They used to be car-wreck bad, but once they won a couple, they can just go back to being the kind of bad that nobody cares about.
NBA Power Rankings Methodology
Well, I really just want to have a structure in place that obligates me to post at least once a week, and an NBA Power Rankings fits the bill nicely. The disclaimer is such, though: While I certainly make no claim to having a life, I still ain't watching every game for all 30 teams to try to figure this out. I've decided to go with a strict mathematical formula -- I type "Power Rankings" into Google, take the top six results, and average out each team's place. If there's a tie, the team with the highest individual rank on any one list gets the win.
Yeah, this is an actual Power Ranking like the horoscopes in the paper are an actual astrology reading. Doesn't mean it can't be entertaining. Let's see how it goes.
Yeah, this is an actual Power Ranking like the horoscopes in the paper are an actual astrology reading. Doesn't mean it can't be entertaining. Let's see how it goes.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Milestone, sorta
Well, sweet gravy biscuits, the almighty search engine has finally found me. It's still a long shot that somebody will accidentally trip over this thing, but I guess just in case there's a rash of people Googling "Pops Mensah-Bonsu", "How to Look Good Naked" and "nostril-snorting angry", I should probably start adhering to a more rigourous posting schedule. I'll work on that.
By the way -- I just discovered that you need to use all three of the quoted search terms above in order to whittle your search down to my page and my page alone. If you omit the "nostril-snorting angry" bit, there are two other page options that pop up. Vast though the internet may be, I would not have expected that.
By the way -- I just discovered that you need to use all three of the quoted search terms above in order to whittle your search down to my page and my page alone. If you omit the "nostril-snorting angry" bit, there are two other page options that pop up. Vast though the internet may be, I would not have expected that.
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