Good things come to those who... mystify?

So, I realize it took a fairly long time for this little nugget to penetrate my consciousness -- but it just dawned on me that within a week or two, no matter what happens, either Ron Artest or Nate Robinson will be a bona fide NBA Champion.

Somewhere, Ricky Davis is reminding everyone who will listen, "I used to be a Celtic too, you know."

That's right, I said bossest

You know, I'm gonna go on record and say that this group of people could quite conceivably come together to create one of the bossest Thanksgiving Day tables of all time. (This is, of course, operating on the assumption that Wikipedia would never lie to me about the interconnectedness of famous people.) So, without further ado:

Invitee #1: Beck, a musician-poet who transcends genres even as he re-invents them. Conveniently married to --

Invitee #2: Marissa Ribisi, best known to me as the red-headed girl from Dazed and Confused that gets Matthew McConaughey's attention.  She is otherwise known as the twin sister of --

Invitee #3: Giovanni Ribisi, a guy who is thisclose to being Leonardo DiCaprio. Seriously -- who else on the planet can put on their resume that they survived teen idol status on a late-80's/early 90's sitcom, only to go on to star in a James Cameron blockbuster? Do My Two Dads and Avatar ring a bell? Then, let's say he decides to get together with a guy he's known at least since high school --

Invitee #4: Ethan Suplee, the genius who portrays one of the most lovable idiots in TV history, Randy Hickey. Watch this YouTube clip (starting at about the 1 minute mark), and tell me you couldn't find something to talk about with this guy. (I also marvel that he makes me want to watch Without a Paddle.) He is married to --

Invitee #5: Brandy Lewis. Of her I know nothing, except that she is married to Ethan Suplee, and (more surprisingly) is the sister of --

Invitee #6: Juliette Lewis, who has always struck me as just plain old batshit insane. You know, in an intriguingly attractive sorta way, but still, bat-guts nuts. I remember talking about her when I was in university -- I didn't get the feeling she was a particularly versatile actress, but man, her agent was the hardest-workin' man in show business. Our compare and contrast example was Lara Flynn Boyle -- she managed to parlay her role on the cult show Twin Peaks into the '93/'94 murderer's row of The Temp, Threesome and Baby's Day Out (with the slight mitigation of a bit part in Wayne's World and the apparently underappreciated Red Rock West). Ms. Lewis' agent, on the other hand, turned roles on such immortal TV fare as I Married Dora and A Family for Joe into a goldmine. There's too much to keep in paragraph format, I gotta go to plaid and make a list here:

• Cape Fear (1991)
• Husbands and Wives (1992)
• That Night (1992)
• Kalifornia (1993)
• Romeo Is Bleeding (1993)
• What's Eating Gilbert Grape
• Natural Born Killers (1994)
• Mixed Nuts (1994)
• The Basketball Diaries (1995)
• Strange Days (1995)
• From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)  

 So, before her 25th birthday, she'd worked with Martin Scorcese, Woody Allen, Lasse Hallstrom, Oliver Stone, Nora Ephron, Kathryn Bigelow, and Quentin Tarantino/Robert Rodriguez. As of last count, that's 20 Best Director Academy Award nominations (with 5 wins) and 28 Best Screenplay Oscar Nominations (good for 4 gold statues). That is one hell of a star-studded run. I recommend her agent to anyone.

So yeah. To get back to my original point, if ever I tried to come up with a hypothetical who-would-you-invite-to-a-celebrity-fantasy-dinner-party guest list, this group of six will gain a substantial amount of bonus points on sheer plausibility.

WWDED?

So -- Phil Jackson is the Zen Master. Fine. I accept that with no hesistation. Derek Fisher is a floor general par excellence, I give you that gladly. And Kobe Bean Bryant is possibly the most dedicated-to-domination individual the world has seen since Alexander III of Macedon, of that there can be no debate. However -- I submit the following for your consideration.

1. Yao Ming is generally regarded as one of the NBA's premier citizens, a guy who has a couple of billion eyes on him all the time and always seems to make good off court decisions.
2. Dikembe Mutombo is a member of the World Sport Humanitarian Hall of Fame, has donated millions of dollars towards building hospitals, and his career-ending injury precipitated an outpouring of "He's one of the all-time good guys" love from NBA players and media alike.
3. Shane Battier is the consummate glue-guy team player, the poster child for level-headedness, the kind of guy that makes people say things like “I thought he’d be the first black president,” Wetzel says. “He was Barack Obama before Barack Obama.”
4. Rick Adelman, well, the man has got some credentials, and he has to to be considered a player's coach. Yeah, I'm sure Dennis Rodman was a handful back in the day, but I will see you Rodman and raise you a Latrell Sprewell.

I would just like to point out that these were four of the key members of the Houston Rockets last year, and all that collective wisdom and maturity couldn't keep the pants on Ron Artest.

Far be it from me to question the wisdom of any NBA general manager, especially one who is coming off a championship season that oughta prove you're the best in the business -- but really, if Dork Elvis makes no serious effort to retain a player, I will trust his judgement.